He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
