the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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