I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
