I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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