i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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