so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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