We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
