could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
