twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize