I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
