The maid of honor just puked.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
