so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
