I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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