I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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