The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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