I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
