If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
