I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
