Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize