i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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