Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
