So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
