I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
