This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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