Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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