apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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