i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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