thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
