I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
