did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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