everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
