It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
