only if we run a train.
done.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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