She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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