there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
