Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
