So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
