I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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