Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
