What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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