there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
