Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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