I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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