I hope mine doesn't look like that
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
