this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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