hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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