Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
