this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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