I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
