So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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