i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
