the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Holy shit dude........stairs
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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