Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
