omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How does it feel to date your dad?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
