There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
