when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
