What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
